Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
