If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
