so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
