my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
