You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
