Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize