Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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