She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
