shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
