I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
