What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize