I cockslap morals
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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