He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
