I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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