my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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