i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
