hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
