We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is wine microwaveable?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
