I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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