I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
