Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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