its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize