If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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