Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
