I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
