She's JV to your varsity
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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