Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
