Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
