I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There r osticjed everywhere
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
