Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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