And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
