Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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