I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
