Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
