Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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