As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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