Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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