its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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