I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
