I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
