I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
