Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
