She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
