Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
