Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
