Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
