normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
