Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
