my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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