I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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