Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
