She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
