I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
