Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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