um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
