That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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