the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
