Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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