Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
