Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
