eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize