so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
