I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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