Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
