I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
