Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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