Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
