so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
love makes seman taste better
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
