he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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