i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize