You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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