using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
