Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
