Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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