My nipple is on Facebook.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
