After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize