All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
