it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize