Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pants are for mortals
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
