if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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