I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it glows. i had to have it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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