On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
