I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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