You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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