I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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