yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
