he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
