i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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