i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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