That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
