I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
