dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
