come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
