i barfeds in our rink
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
