Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
