I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
