he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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