Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All the doctor said was why
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
