i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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