Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
