You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish there were birth control emojis
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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