Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
