chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
