i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
