Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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