He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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