There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize