Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
