I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
