I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize