that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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