Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
