I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
