I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize