You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
